Giving feedback that creates insight.
What if we stopped thinking of feedback as something we “give” and started thinking of it as an opportunity for a two-way discussion that brings about new insights for the person to support their learning and growth?
The word feedback can sometimes conjure up negativity. For some people, it brings to mind performance reviews, difficult conversations or being told what they need to improve. In my coaching sessions, people regularly share that their teams either rarely receive feedback or if they do it can be misunderstood, with unclear messages, leaving the person confused or defensive. In this blog we explore how we can share feedback more readily, clearly and in service of growing and developing people.
What do we really mean by feedback and what is its purpose?
I often think of feedback as giving someone the opportunity to investigate their hidden spot, the area behind them that they cannot see. In fact, I find the word insight is much more useful than feedback. Good feedback can help us recognise and strengthen what we are already doing well. It can also help us to see where we might have an unintended impact, opportunities to stretch, or ways we might be derailing ourselves.
The Johari Window: what might I not see?
The Johari Window is a theory that provides a useful lens for leaders. It describes four areas:
- What I know about myself and others know.
- What others can see about me that I cannot.
- What I know but choose not to share.
- What neither I nor others currently know.
The area I find particularly powerful for leadership is the blind spot. Feedback can move something from the blind area into the open area. Here are some examples
“You seem to not care in meetings because you don’t speak much.
To:
“I’ve noticed that in the last three team meetings, you’ve contributed very little to the discussion. I’m wondering what’s behind that. Your perspective is valuable and I’d like to understand whether there’s something about the meetings or the way we’re working that is making it harder for you to contribute.”
We all know that feedback such as this might sting at first, as we hadn’t realised or appreciated that our approach wasn’t working. However, it can also be incredibly valuable, because we then have an opportunity to do something differently, if the feedback is also accompanied by a useful conversation to explore the “what can I now do differently” question.
Don’t dump and run
One of the most common mistakes I see is what I think of as “dumping and running”. The leader delivers the feedback and then waits for the person to change. Feedback given in this way means we miss a vital opportunity for dialogue, discussion and an ongoing development conversation. Here is a framework we can use to be even more effective in sharing feedback:
Situation → Behaviour → Impact → Coaching
Situation: When did I notice this?
Behaviour: What did I actually observe?
Impact: What impact did it have?
Coaching: What did you notice? What is your perspective? What might you do differently?
An example might be:
Instead of: “You can be quite dismissive in meetings.”
Try: “In yesterday’s leadership meeting, when Sarah was explaining her proposal, I noticed you interrupted her twice and then moved quickly to your own solution. I noticed that she stopped contributing after that. I’m curious, what did you notice?”
The second approach is specific rather than generic, based on observation rather than assumption and leaves room for the other person’s perspective.
Observation, not assumption
One of the biggest traps in giving feedback is confusing what we observed with what we think it means.
An example might be:
Instead of: “You weren’t interested in what she was saying.”
Consider: “While she was speaking, you looked at your laptop and didn’t make eye contact.”
The first is an interpretation, the second is an observation. The distinction matters because people can challenge an interpretation, whereas an observation creates something concrete to explore.
From feedback giver to feedback facilitator
We can think of ourselves as leader as coaches, i.e. we are facilitating the thinking and increasing the self-awareness of the other person.
We move from the mindset of “I need to tell them what they need to improve” to “I can support them see something that could be useful to them.”
That brings our coaching skills into play: listening, curiosity, non-judgement, observing rather than assuming, asking questions and creating space for reflection.
In summary
Good feedback isn’t about finding the perfect words, it is about creating the conditions for insight, through making feedback part of our everyday culture.
It is about helping someone see something they may not otherwise see, while respecting their autonomy to decide what they want to do with that insight. The best leaders don’t simply tell people what they see, they help people see more clearly for themselves. If you would like a more coaching style of leadership please get in touch to see how executive coaching might work for you.