Communication is one of the most powerful tools a leader has and yet this skill is often overlooked. As leaders, we communicate constantly, whether that is to motivate, to understand or to solve in moments of pressure. Great communication isn’t only the message, it is more about how it is communicated, received and understood by others.
In my experience working with leaders, these seven simple communication habits can make a significant difference. In this blog we explore those along with some ideas about how to make these a habit in your everyday conversations.
1. Clear is kind
In Brene Browns Book “Dare to Lead” she describes the principle of clear is kind. She describes that avoiding difficult conversations and honest feedback can diminish trust, encourage unhelpful behaviours and reduce performance because people lack clarity. We sugarcoat a message and it leaves the person feeling confused. We avoid a direct conversation and message for fear of hurting people’s feelings, being vague ends up confusing the other person and doing a disservice to them.
Being clear doesn’t mean being blunt or insensitive, it means being honest about what you see, what you need and what needs to happen next. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is tell them clearly where they stand.
Ask yourself: What am I avoiding saying because I’m worried about how it will be received?
2. Be factual
When conversations become difficult, we can quickly move from what happened to what we think happened. We all make assumptions, it’s about being aware of them that counts. That’s where communication can become emotionally charged.
Compare: “You don’t seem committed to this project.”
with: “You’ve missed the last two project meetings and the agreed deadline wasn’t met.”
The second statement is based on observable behaviour and gives the other person something they can respond to. Facts create a shared starting point, interpretations, assumptions and labels can create defensiveness.
Ask yourself: What do I know concretely? What am I assuming? What have I observed?
3. Show empathy
Empathy is about demonstrating you understand their experience. It is not sympathy where we may unintentionally belittle the other persons feelings with “poor you” or in addition we start solving for “If I were you . . .”. Empathy doesn’t require you to have experience the same thing, it is more about being curious of the other person’s experience and how they are feeling.
A leader could say: “I can see why that decision has been frustrating.”
without saying: “I agree with you.”
That distinction matters. Empathy creates space for people to feel heard, which makes it more likely that they will remain open to the conversation.
Great questions to ask might be:
- “How has this been for you?”
- “What has been most difficult?”
- “What impact has this had on you?”
- “What am I not seeing from your perspective?”
4. Understand the other perspective
Great leadership is about having a perspective and yet being able to actively seek to understand the position of others. In the leaders I coach, I notice they start being more curious about their team’s perspective because they have experienced the value of that in their own coaching relationship. They report back that seeking to understand has bought about new ideas to the team, more delegation and more ownership, rather than constantly telling others what to do.
Before responding, ask yourself: “What might this look like from their perspective?”
This is crucial to enable us to discover what is going on underneath the initial communication. Here are some specific examples that leaders have noticed when they understand different perspectives:
- Resistance from others was actually a feeling of uncertainty.
- Disengagement turned out to be a lack of clarity provided.
- Poor performance was more about competing priorities.
- Disagreement was simply a different interpretation of the situation.
This doesn’t mean that every perspective is equally valid, it means you are willing to understand before you judge. You could ask, “Talk me through how you’re seeing this.” or “What am I missing?”.
That small shift can fundamentally change the quality of a leadership conversation.
5. Summarise to check understanding
One of the most underused communication skills in leadership is checking understanding. I call this summarising or paraphrasing back to the person so that you both get a chance to amend or tweak the message. We often assume that because we have explained something, the other person has understood it in the way we intended. You could ask
- “Let me check I’ve understood you correctly . . . .”
- “What are you taking away from this conversation?”
- “Can you summarise what we’ve agreed?”
This is about creating a collaborative conversation that is open, honest and in partnership with the other person. This could be particularly useful in complex meetings, where they are going round in circles, we all know the feeling of time wasted in long meetings. It can also be used when we are agreeing actions and accountability during a performance conversation and may also be useful when emotions are running high in a conversation.
I like to think about it as communication isn’t complete when you have spoken, only when there is shared understanding.
6. Be succinct
Senior leaders operate in environments where attention is scarce, being succinct is therefore a form of respect. It doesn’t mean reducing everything to a soundbite but knowing what matters most and communicating that clearly is important. I like to think of it as “take space and make space” i.e. enabling a conversation that involves the two of us, rather than the leader taking up too much space with their words.
Ask yourself: “What is the one thing I most need this person to know, understand or do?”
Some other strategies to consider are
- Instead of giving five minutes of context before getting to the point, try: “There are three things I want us to focus on today . . . .”
- Instead of sending a long email containing several messages: “The key decision is X. I need Y from you by Friday. The reason is Z.”
In summary, less is more.
7. Be human
I have left the best to last! Perhaps the most important principle of all is to consider human first, process and work second. If you think of the most powerful communication you have experienced it is likely that it made you feel listened to, heard and understood. Underneath all the work and meetings, we are all human beings with our aspirations, fears and feelings.
Being human might sound like:
“I’m not sure yet. I need to think about it.”
“I got that wrong.”
“I can see this is difficult.”
“I’m disappointed too.”
“I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I do know.”
There is strength in that kind of authenticity. People don’t need perfect leaders, they need leaders they can understand, trust and have honest conversations with.
The leadership communication check-list
Before an important conversation, ask yourself:
CLEAR – Have I explained what I mean?
FACTUAL – Am I separating observations from assumptions?
EMPATHETIC – Have I considered how this might feel for the other person?
CURIOUS – Have I genuinely tried to understand their perspective?
CHECKED – Have I established we have the same understanding?
SUCCINCT – Could I say this more simply?
HUMAN – Am I communicating as a person, rather than hiding behind my leadership role?
The best communicators aren’t necessarily the people who have the most impressive words. They are the people who can make the complex simple, the difficult discussable and the human visible. Perhaps that is the real leadership skill, being clear enough to create direction, empathetic enough to create connection and human enough to create trust.
If you are keen to better understand different styles of communication and review how you might improve your team engagement, get in touch to see how executive coaching might work for you.