In today’s busy world, it is tempting to think that effective leadership means having all the answers. Most of us are paid for expertise that we have built over time and therefore one way of demonstrating our worth is by being the problem solver. Whilst this of course is vital for leadership, there is another important element, which is to build teams around us who become problem solvers, experts and grow by themselves. This does not happen if the leader constantly thinks their role is to fix and solve.
A coaching leadership approach is not about turning every conversation into a formal coaching session. I support leaders to adopt a coaching approach and I notice that initially they think they must have a one-hour coaching conversation for it to count.
What if instead, it is about using a simple set of strategies to create coaching moments every day that make a difference?
In this blog we explore some useful strategies that leaders can use to adopt a coaching approach, even in a five-minute conversation.
1. Move from telling to asking
This is about genuine curiosity. I recently worked with a group of leaders who initially thought coaching was simply about using questions. Controversially I challenged this. A question of course is a great way to get the other person thinking, but if the question itself has a suggestion within it then we may as well not use it.
I call it a “quigestion” which is a question with a suggestion in it. These questions often start with “Have you thought about doing . . .” or “Have you tried . . . “ or “What if you did . . .”
Instead of using a question I encourage leaders to offer their opinions when needed for the person to take or leave and then when you use genuine curiosity you can ask an open, genuine exploratory question. For example, great open questions often start with what or how rather than why and they encourage the other person to think.
Examples
- What do you want to happen?
- What conversation do you think you need to have now?
- What are your key insights now that we have spoken?
2. Create a pause
As leaders we are adapting our style during the conversation, for example coaching, delegating, mentoring and directing. Having a coaching approach does not mean you have to coach all the time, it’s more about noticing when to shift styles. Creating a momentary pause in your mind before replying to someone in a conversation allows you to reflect upon the best approach. Questions to ask yourself might include:
- Is this urgent or high risk? (Tell or direct)
- Is this something they can solve themselves? (Coach)
- Do they need your expertise? (Offer and share)
- Is it a performance or accountability issue? (Challenge)
- Are they emotional or frustrated? (Listen first)
In the example above of needing your expertise this is where we may pivot into a coaching approach once we have shared some thoughts. Think of it like this:
- Offer your expertise succinctly and as quickly as possible.
- Then use a coaching approach by asking something like “what stood out for you in what I have shared?” or “what didn’t I share that might be useful for you?” or “what is my story making you now think about your situation?”. We don’t want to get stuck in speaking and solving, we use our expertise to then coach the person to build on the ideas by blending coaching and sharing in one conversation.
3. Use silence more
Many leaders I work with have found that using silence more has been transformational to their conversations. You can experience this yourself, firstly by taking a typical day at work and simply noticing the amount of silence in meetings, it is rare that we find much! However, silence in a trusting partnership is where the ideas come, in between the conversation rather than filling it with words.
4. Presence rather than time
Nancy Kline describes “that the quality of your attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking”.
A leader I worked with recently noted that he had plenty of one to ones in the diary and yet his team were not feeling they were useful. He has since realised that during those one to ones he was distracted and his presence was lacking. Since our work together he has changed his presence in these one to ones, he focuses attentively on the person, putting aside all other distractions.
His quality of listening has increased using some of the tips explored in this blog. This has had a dramatic response in that his team now value the time and he has seen a real shift in their ideas and quality of work. The icing on the cake is that they have reduced the time spent together as the quality of the time they do spend has increased.
5. Step away from the need to fix
Instead of feeling the need to solve everything, get more comfortable with the uncomfortable. When someone comes to you and they feel stuck about a situation, this is the very moment to move from “have you tried” to some of the following questions instead:
- “What do you think is really getting in the way?”
- “What options do you see?”
- “What might you do next?”
In coaching sessions many clients share that the most powerful conversations they have is when the person stops fixing and genuinely listens, this then allows them to do the powerful thinking needed. To do this, we often need to remember that the other person is resourceful rather than thinking we need to solve on their behalf.
6. Giving feedback in partnership
Instead of sharing feedback in a directive way, for example “That piece of work wasn’t timely enough, you need to do it quicker” start with an exploratory question: “How do you think the piece of work went?” This is not about withholding your feedback, it’s about genuinely supporting the other person to discover for themselves what their own learnings are in partnership with you.
Some final tips
- Avoid questions, If you have an idea instead of making it a question, just simply offer it.
- Blend coaching with other styles of leadership.
- Don’t get stuck on directing and telling.
- When sharing a story or expertise, less is more.
- Silence allows the other person to do some deep thinking.
In summary
Your goal as a leader isn’t to turn every conversation into a coaching conversation. It’s about enhancing your presence and mindset to being curious, in the moment and in partnership. It’s about noticing when someone would benefit from your curiosity rather than your solution. It’s about really challenging ourselves to let go of the need to know, be the expert and instead to partner with the other person to solve the challenge for themselves. Your job as a leader is to grow your people conversation by conversation and coaching enables you to do this.
To see how changing your everyday coaching approach might help you overcome a leadership challenge, please get in touch.