When was the last time you received some feedback or insights about yourself? If someone said to you today “Do you have time now, as I’d like to give you some feedback”, most of us think this is going to be something negative or critical. Most of us do not think this is going to be examples of things we have done well.
In LinkedIn’s 2023 Workplace Learning report it concluded that employees who don’t feel they can grow in their role are 12x more likely to consider leaving. A Workhuman and Gallup study (2023) found that employees who feel recognised are 56% less likely to be looking for a new job. Part of personal growth is having recognition as well as development feedback and this is where the skill of feedback is crucial for the leader. Done well, it can inspire growth, strengthen relationships, and boost performance. Done poorly, it can cause defensiveness, confusion, or even resentment. So, how can you strike the right balance? In our latest blog we will explore seven practical tips for giving constructive feedback that helps, not hurts.
1. Start with the “Why”
Before giving feedback, ask yourself: What is my intention? By asking this question, you can uncover whether the feedback is useful and constructive, does it aim to improve performance, behaviour, or outcomes? Are you venting frustration or at worst starting to criticise someone personally. Be sure your mindset reflects an intention of positive regard and feedback in service of someone’s future development, rather than simply a way to vent negative feelings of your own.
Tip: Approach feedback as a conversation, not a confrontation.
2. Be specific, not vague
General feedback like “You need to do better” leaves the recipient confused. Even positive feedback such as “You were brilliant” is not useful because it doesn’t provide the person with what they can repeat next time. Instead, be clear about what you observed and what needs to change or continue.
Here’s an example: From: “You’re always late.” to: “I noticed you arrived after the meeting started three times this week. It impacts the flow of the team’s discussion.”
3. Focus on behaviour, not personality
Great feedback addresses actions and outcomes rather than making it about the person’s character. This avoids defensiveness and keeps the conversation objective.
An example would be: From: “You’re unreliable.” to: “When the report wasn’t submitted on time, it delayed the project timeline.”
4. Avoid the “feedback sandwich” and develop a consistent culture of ongoing feedback
The classic formula, positive feedback, followed by constructive feedback, then another positive point means that the listener is simply waiting for the negative. They are therefore not listening to the positive items as they are waiting for the critique. I encourage you to avoid using praise as a mask for criticism. Instead, aim for balance: acknowledge strengths while offering suggestions for growth as a regular and consistent dialogue, rather than one conversation that covers both.
Tip: Find regular moments to provide feedback of both a positive and developmental nature, not necessarily both at the same time.
5. Be timely
Feedback is most effective when it’s given close to the event. Waiting too long can reduce its impact and relevance. An example I hear often is that leaders have saved the feedback for the quarterly review whereas it could have been given sooner, dealt with and learnt from at the time.
Tip: Regular, real-time feedback builds trust and momentum.
6. Invite dialogue
Constructive feedback isn’t a monologue. Encourage the other person to share their perspective. This builds mutual respect and often reveals insights you may not have considered. The leader can use a coaching style of conversation to do this. A structure could include:
- Ensure the timing is right and the environment is appropriate, ask the person if they are in a good place to have the conversation.
- Ask permission to share some insights.
- Share candidly, honestly and with positive regard a specific example of what you or others have observed, what was the situation, what behaviour did you notice and what was the impact on the work or others around the person from the behaviour. Being specific is crucial.
- Then use coaching to listen, ask and encourage the person to share their own insights about the situation – what was going on for them, how can they use this feedback, what is the significance of the feedback for their future growth.
Tip: Be specific about the impact of the behaviour and then use a coaching style conversation to really encourage the person to consider the learnings and next steps.
7. Follow up
I encourage you to continue to make feedback part of an ongoing conversation rather than what I call a “dump and run” approach which is sharing the feedback and then leaving the person to make sense of it on their own. In your role as a leader you can have great impact by simply sharing insights regularly, then listening, asking and being curious so that the person can make sense of it for themselves.
Final thoughts
As a leader one of the ways we can role model feedback is to accept feedback ourselves. I encourage you to regularly ask others for insights about you, develop the trust and relationships with your direct reports to that they can be honest and truthful with you. This takes courage on both people to be able to do this well and in turn encourages a two way conversation about feedback that we all need and value.
In coaching sessions people will often say to me that they have no idea what others think of them as feedback is not given or if given it is unclear and not very specific. There is therefore a huge opportunity to provide constructive feedback. It is a skill and like any skill, it improves with practice. When done with clarity, empathy and purpose, feedback becomes one of the most powerful tools for building better teams, stronger relationships and personal growth.
Resources: I particularly enjoy the book “Thanks for the feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. In the book the define three types of feedback: coaching feedback, appreciation feedback and evaluation feedback. If you would like support in building your feedback skills, get in touch to see how a coaching conversation can support you with this.